Finding Yourself

I am sure we have all said we needed to take time to “find ourselves”. What does finding ourselves look like or feel like? I am sure the process of finding ourselves vary for each individual and I believe there is not one particular way that works better. However, finding yourself has me wondering why it takes a gut wrenching event to happen in our personal lives causing us to go look for ourselves. Somewhere along the way we lost ourselves.

So how the hell did we get lost? The answer is simple but yet complicated. We strayed from our life path and made a conscious decision to follow someone else’s life map. Many times in life we want to please others and we neglect ourselves. It’s almost like the things we once thought were important to us are no longer important to us. We focus on what our partner/significant other desires and we become engulfed in their world and our world is now a celestial black hole. The priorities of others are always at the forefront and your priorities always manage to be forgotten, misunderstood, not heard, minimized… you get the picture. This is self abuse and “allowed” mental abuse. Yes this is my opinion. I lived it, so I know it.

Mental and self abuse comes in so many forms and most of the time we do not recognize we are self abusing and being mentally abused. We are actually allowing the mental abuse and inflicting self abuse because want something. That something in a lot of cases is love. Seriously?! Love?! What ever happened to self love? When did the need to be loved by someone else begin to validate who we are and/or our importance. The truth of the matter is, if we are not capable of loving ourselves, why would someone else want to love us? Truly love us? Love us for who we are and not what we can get/do for do for them.

By the time we realize the love we are experiencing is faux love, we are neck deep, drowning, and need a way out. Only strong willed people are able to pull themselves out on their own and decide it is time to go find themselves. So what does finding ones self look like? For me, it was separating myself from the world. Without outside distractions, I was able to reach within myself to begin analyzation of why it was so important for me to have someone in my life outside of my family to loved me. What I came to discover was that my personal value was low. I did not respect myself enough to place the value on my life I am actually worth. What is my worth? PRICELESS!

For most people outside love gives them value, a sense of comfort, stability, a sense of belonging. Most people desire to mean something to someone, to be attached to someone. Mean something to yourself. Desire to attach to yourself. Love yourself. Once we accomplish these difficult task, we will stop devaluing ourselves and recognize our true worth including who “deserves” or is “allowed” to love us. Finding something that should have never been lost in the first place is a difficult thing to do. There are many things in this world causing people to displace themselves, abuse themselves, allow others to abuse them. not love themselves. Loving yourself is not selfish but yet it is, and it is okay!

I remember I used to hate hearing folks say “I am finding myself” until I had to find my self. I had to ask myself what in the hell are you doing? Why are you allowing yourself to be treated like this? Why are you doing this to your self? I am in noway suggesting you should go about finding yourself alone. That was my approach. Professional hep is available for victims of abuse or those who simply need assistance with getting their lives on track. Find what works for you, find yourself, love yourself, be selfish.