Limbo. That was my location. Mentally my confusion expanded beyond the capacity I had and have to comprehend. I was anchored, my coordinates were right on target and just like that, out of nowhere, a tropical wave came off the coast of stability and began to trouble the waters. I can normally tell when it is going to rain before it happens. Yeah, a little gift I was given for unknown reasons but nonetheless I am now the owner. However, in instances like I will describe below, my gift failed me, or did it?
In the beginning it was as simple as a mist that evaporated as the sun rose. Once the sun filled the sky, my heart began to smile and the distant thunder that rolled off the coast vanished into a quiet hush. I thought all was well and then realized the smallest things cause the cumunolimbus clouds to begin to build reaching massive heights and intensifying the level of energy that would come with the storm. I am talking about “TRIGGERS”.
Yes, I have triggers, and most people do. The problem is a lot of us do not make our triggers known or when we do acknowledge and make others aware of our triggers, we are disrespected, considered weak, or have demeaning issues. See, what I have grown to understand is others really don’t care about what triggers you or why something triggers you. There are people out here who will purposely do whatever it is that triggers you and then turn your trigger into their problem or weaponize your tigger. However, if you trigger them unknowingly, you have a problem, caused a problem, or are the problem. Sound familiar? Toxic?
Lately, my focus in my personal life is my mental health because my mental health affects my physical health. When it comes to dealing with my triggers it is difficult because I am not in the world alone or with people who are just like me. If that were the case, this problem would be easy to solve or nonexistent. There are instances when my triggers cause me to completely shut down. Now let me say this…triggers can come in the form of physical, mental, and emotional and yes I shut down in all of these areas. Is this healthy? Probably not, but it is my way of not causing further destruction in these areas.
I try my best to be proactive and not reactive in situations causing instability in my thinking. In all honesty, I would rather just fly off the handle, say exactly what comes to mind in the moment, and care less about the effect I have on the offender. But then that makes me look bad and goes against everything I am trying to heal within myself. I am in a place where I am learning to contain the storm within. No raging winds, no down pours, and no microburst… I want peace and peace starts within. Yes, when someone or something triggers you, it hurts like hell and contributes to stress and anxiety. I will never say otherwise. But what I will say is your triggers belong to you and you only. If the people in your lives do anything to trigger you purposely, maybe those are not the people for you.
However, do not forget to take a long look in the mirror at yourself. Are you a trigger for someone else? Do you set people off on purpose? In my self evaluation, I have determined I am capable of triggering people. I can not begin to count the people I have triggered. I try hard not to be that person. I work even harder to find a different approach for the comment I want to make or the action I am about to take. When we as humans want to fix the things affecting us, we must also take in to consideration how those same things affect the ones we hold close, family, friends, relationships etcetera.
In order to be successful we must go the full 360 degrees not 180 degrees. 180 degrees only identify’s with one half of the problem. We must work to close the circle. I must complete the full 360 degree journey. 180 degrees of the circle is how we treat ourselves and the remaining 180 degrees is how we treat others. Self healing is not just “I”. Self healing also includes the “us/we” factor in our lives. Put in the full 360. Get the results you desire. Stop being a trigger and get un-triggered.
S.A.S.S. 
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