Family, Friends, Love…

It has been a little over two years now that I have been struggling with chronic back pain, along with everything else I deal with on a daily basis. (The back pain was new to the game.) Of those two years I spent about 18 months in bed depending on every one and any one that was willing and able to help me. I needed food, I needed help bathing, I needed my house cleaned, clothes washed, hair washed. I even had to get help putting on my clothes and chauffeured to every doctors appointment I had. The only thing I didn’t need at the time was money… so what?

It was during this time I really came to understand the meaning of these three words… friendship, family, and love. Believe me when I tell you this… not all people that say I love you really love you. Not all people that call themselves family are true family, and most friendships are nothing but acquaintances or associations. During this time I learned a lot about myself and others. I now know your friends are family and family is love. There were people I thought that genuinely cared about my well-being and never showed their face or offered to help out in the smallest of capacity. Then there were folks I never would have imagined would help that were there. I was shocked!

Grant it, I know no one owes me anything! However one would be led to believe that friends, family, and loved ones will be there when you need them. Well that train of thought is a tragic lie. I guard myself now, it is a must. I do not allow just anyone into my personal space because I need to continue my recovery from my surgeries and continue to regain strength. Plus I need to manage my other chronic illnesses and getting involved with negative, narcissistic folks who have fake feelings, fake caring, and negative nasty energy does not help heal the body.

My surgeon asked me several questions about things I thought had nothing to do with my back problem. Before he would do my surgery I was told to remove stress, negativity, and anxiety from my environment. I did just that. The affect stress, anxiety, and negativity have on the body will keep the body from healing, causing more harm than good. During the time before surgery, after surgery, and even now, there are certain people who are not allowed in my home inclusive of blood “family”, and so called “friends”. I’ve learned to say no without feeling guilty to most people, however this is still a work in progress, but believe you me the list of people that have the privilege of entering my space are very special to me. Those individuals fed me, changed bandages, bathed me, helped me to walk, kept me company, visited me in the hospital, took me to numerous doctors appointments, picked up medications weekly, and did odds and ends for me, I appreciate them and will never be able to thank them enough! These individuals will always have my heart.

Then there are those who can kick rocks with no socks and shoes on while trying to figure out and understand the meaning and concept of friendship, family, and love. Stop throwing around these words. These words are sacred and worthy of only a few. In a cryptic way, this surgery and my chronic illnesses act as life lessons for me. Everyday I receive clarity about things happening in my life that were once mysterious to me. Blessings come in all forms and sizes. This blessing saved my life, saved my sanity, and is rebuilding my heart and outlook on life. There is no way I would have made this progress without my friends, family, and love.

Friends, family, love…